Episode 10 - An Answer please

" If things happen for a reason, tell me why this nigga be bleeding"

I'm living in a world that doesnt give a damn.

Long Day. I really cant say if it was good or not. Because of the things i did and what happened

kinda balanced things out yano? an equal amount of good things and the bad things just countered it.

The movie Uninvited sucked ass. In the end she was just brain washed and "living the story" the person who brain

washed her told her. Let's just say it was some confusing shit like My Bloody Valentine. COME ON NOW.

I watch the bad ass movies and i miss the good ass movies like Transformers & i liked watched that movie 2 years

after it came out. WTF yea? My trip to great mall wasnt as i expected. Was wanting to get those vans but i guess they ran

out of my size, damn it Daniel i swear we shoulda done it when we had the chance. 

On the way home, i thought about why things happen and what the reason would be the outcome from it. I'll try and explain it as

simple and as much as i can but on the way home i met 2 new people. This girl named Amy & this guy named Matt. Matt i've seen

before since his job is actually to make balloons, like a clown i guess? ha, ive seen him on the train before and he's good, i'd call it art.

But it's weird how both of these people i just met today made me realize that as people we always ask "why didnt this happen?" and only say 

that to think about what we really wanted to happen, and what woulda been a better decision for us to end of our day in such a better note.

We think about it so much that what wouldve happened if i was just a bit more friendly enough to ask a way to contact Amy or Matt? How 

would that affect my life even more? Would i meet more people, somehow find a job, meet the love of my life?  I mean what could have 

happened if that happened? & if it did happened, in God's "Book of Life for Me" Is there different roads i could have taken and would it be

worse or good for me because of that one decision i made? I mean because of certain decisions ive made, both for the good or bad, i'm here

right now as who i am. Are there different roads for me to take as a person as time pasts by? As humans we try to do whats best for us or

whatever makes us happy. Maybe because of meeting these 2 new people i've learned to come to realization that i should be maybe one

more step ahead. It's always good to be ready. Things happen for a reason. But i'm still so damn curious, if things really happen for a reason

tell me why is that i find myself waiting. Just patiently waiting. Like today. I felt that i needed to be there today and i know why i was there

but what is to come out of it? Is it a sign? Why are you so cute? Am i to just find myself like this? I feel like i've never been happy,

Lord what are you waiting for? How is my life gonna be like? Is any good gonna come out of this? Damn it. All i want are some answers, 

why cant i find them?

'My fears come in my dreams.

I think i'll be alright

I'm working so i wont try so hard

Someday, i won't waste any of my time

because it would be with you"

-Karl Orotea

flickr.com/photos/flawlesseffect

edit: i get grumpy when im sick, maybe i think over things to much, everyone has a mental disorder,mine just happens to be 

looking everytime at a mirror when i pass one. Yoshido Kabyo Kabaishibibaishya is the name of a company, do you know 

what they make? 

Am I just stupid enough to wait or stupid enough to give up

Goodnight & Happy Sabbath

Episode 9 - Movement

So i moved in to the masters bedroom! with my bro

enough breaking space. enough chill space & enough sleeping space

Damn though. Is she serious? She aint serious...is she?

Lately things have been going well. Bad habits done.

Photography and breaking again has finally gotten better.

Basketball season almost over. Guitar lessons & singing coming soon.

Working out after basketball season. damn got everything i want to accomplish.

SoulDriven Krew is about to reunite again. Our busy schedule is bummer, that 

half the year we quit dancing haha. Senior year is gonna be my prime!

I NEED TO STOP BEING LAZY.

:D Friday though! & Saturday w/ Nina? i'm excited. just for those old times sake yea?

hahaha, it's pretty damn fun talking to her yo. Right Nina?

I really need some downtime for just myself. I can't just waste a useless weekend doing nothing.

That lazyness of mine is now gone. I'm in such a determined & ambitious mood. No way

nothing is gonna stop me now.

So looking forward for friday though.

"Cause i just want that blue eyed girl & she aint white"

oh & Sea Crystals & Mf Dooms are gone! 

I am in a heartless mood. so i could care less.

Episode 8 - Nostalgic

damn, so this is your sleeping bag?

haha aww man.

It's the 2nd day here in PUC

seems like i got better with everything i've been wanting to get better at.

I'm secluding myself from outside this college and see how it affects me 

& other people when i come back. ha.

Ehjay could be my older brother, damn. 

He's telling me to do it, but should i?

It's really whatever cause i know what's gonna happen in the end.

& i tried so hard, hopefully one day you'll rescue me.

Episode 7 - Reconnected

"Your voice is so sweet, it's just so soothing to me"

At PUC right now. Just raped Drew, haha funny shit man.

That "cousin-in-law" love yano? to bad it aint that anymore.

So the appointment i had for my eyes today was scary.

I can't wear my contacts for a frickin week and if i do & my eyes continue to get irritated

i can go blind. wtf! bleh.

Oh shit & the inauguration today was sick. "Air & Simple Gifts" i believe? amazing, like no lie.

it was funny how i was wearing a sweater saying "YO" today & Yo-Yo Ma was playing =D hahaha.

Dude i swear that guy is like my grandfather or something , could be Ko's also! wtf.

"When the browns can stay around, where the red necks can stay ahead, where the yellow can be mellow, and when the

white can stay right."

OMG that was shit was funny. 

Damn though, i've been so busy i really havent been able to catch up with anyone except the people i talk to in such a daily basis.

I wonder who's reading this...& that reminds me that i havent checked anybody elses blogs except mine for the past 2 weeks 0.o

after this im going to sleep w/ Drew, no homo yo. Damn im gone for the whole damn week! so happy. no school but 

i have damn homework, so gay -.-

If only if you found out what im going through these days. It had no meaning. no spark. I felt nothing.

it sucks cause i feel like i cheated.

I'm glad you don't judge me, that your always there for me. Frickin love you for that cause that's what i need lately,

a friend to stick around.

One day i'll have the confidence to just do it. To tell what's been happening. For now, journaling is one thing i've been

doing. But damn im not really to worried anymore, history is just gonna repeat itself.

& i'm getting my fixie soon! selling my dooms, columbias, and sea crystals. got buyers for all 3 and 

getting the cash by next week & then picking up my fixie! whoooo.

So much random ideas.

i'm sleepy.

Hold my hand, i'll make sure everything will be alright.

Episode 6 - Think About it

"& that little devil on your shoulder screamin 'watcha waiting for' "

So i lasted today with 3 hours of sleep. I have to admit i am grouchy.

I am pissed, i am jealous. What? are those not  feelings that regular humans have?

I hate being a third wheel, i hate being single.

I hate fighting with someone, i hate being in a relationship.

wtf why does everything have a good side & a bad side.

Qualities that something has and the other doesn't.

It sucks and i'm so indecisive.

This weekend felt like a bonding rather than a tournament, or i guess that's what you do when your on tournaments.

"No laughing now"

6 to 54

"You have sunflower seeds?

Motha fucka i'm ILL!"

Talking to 3 other guys about you is pretty damn fun haha.

No homo though.

Seriously, Life keeps pushing shit in my face. I guess i have to cope with it.

Senior year though.

& yes you are a fucking bitch.

*Raspy voices are sexy.

Episode 5 - Back to Normal

"Don't let your memories ruin you, but don't ruin your memories"

by Karl Orotea

i've been dwelling on that quote which i came up with myself for quite sometime.

i miss you but not so much. you were right, it faded. Why do i still think about you?

Ahh these mixed feelings. oh well. I really don't mind anymore. I have no time to be sad.

I enjoyed the ride for the time being, i'm gonna keep enjoying this adventure still.

Glad you made such an impact though. but should i really post this...

so another late night, helped cutie with her project. I still have homework. 4 test tomorrow yea?

and about to come up with $450 soon, my mind is just thinking about those fixies. my ruin.

your want can be such a downfall. But i want you & i don't mind falling.

Jan 16-18: Modesto/Sonora Basketball Tournament

Jan 19: Kick it with Kristine & my class of '11

Jan 20: Last Day of school before PUC

Jan 21-25: PUC tournament

Jan 26: Maybe ship out sea crystals?

Jan 27-31: Sometime between those days, buy Alec's fixie.

Butterflies. Just keep me where the light is.

Episode 4-Memories

Love is no distance baby.

Stupid shit yesterday, BIG ASS LESSON LEARNED. Greed ruins you.

God puts you in a path where he thinks you'll do best in. That path

is carved in for you for him to know, but all you know that it's a surprise.

There's a reason for everything, and i believe thats why i've been making

the worst of mistakes these days. It's not because of you, or the lack

of friends, or the influences, it's me, the lack of a relationship with God.

I need Him, and i notice that now, i don't need anything else, cause that's not what interests me.

I'm helping myself out first before i find someone for my own joy, and maybe

i can help them find a relationship that i'm trying to find. a relationship wrapped in God.

So i've made some pacts with myself.

-No girlfriend till i graduate

-Stop all the bad habits

-Attend church & YFC as much as possible

-Go to as much events dealing with God as much as possible, if i can.

-Get all my wants, A fixie & my lens & flash.

& with that, i'll focus on my priorities. Consequence in the moment, Change in the process.

& i promise i'll change for myself & for those who i affect around me. 

but maybe i might need some help to inspire me to start doing all of this.

A little forced push yea?

God's Grace, saved twice. You know those dreams that everybody has, and im referring to those who do believe in God,

those moments people wish they had so they can completely turn to God. I've had those moments.

Yesterday.

"Don't let your memories ruin you, but don't ruin your memories."

The reason that i came back is because i couldn't let you go.

It's a lesson learned yesterday. I promise it's not something that'll

happen again. I'm not afraid anymore. I've noticed that im just going over something temporary.

In the end, everything is just gonna end up as i want it to be. I'll end up Happy.

Dear Lord,

thank you for everything.

but for right now, all i need is guidance, and i look upon you for it.

Give me wisdom for this moment of need,

Encouragement for this moment of helplessness.

That's all i ask.

Amen.

Episode 3-Shadow

Ha, As you can see, Episode 2 hasnt been posted. Will never be.

I'm clueless for what to write. As clueless as the shadow that follows me.

How it follows me, without no intention with leaving, how it's forced to stay.

A shadow, something you usually don't realize you have until  that light

hits you & you spot it.

Just like how you realize something was important to you, after you lose it.

& with this, i'm left with nothing. Lesson Learned, don't give in to temptation. An attraction is just an attraction.

Lesson Learned Season 1, Episode 1

As much as the words are in my mind, and that travel down to the tip of my tongue,

i forget  how life  is not the way you want it to go. True that you can take grasp of life

and change it by taking over, but you can never always have it your way.

I learned that today. Oh how the influence of friends can corrupt you down to your

destruction. As how reality hits you like a ton of bricks when you realize your mistake.

By God's grace i was saved today. Saved from a bigger consequence. A sign to stop,

but can i really stop? Tempting as it is, It can be stopped for God will never let you undergo

a temptation in which you cant resist. Lessoned Learned, Thou Shall Not Steal.

When i need someone to talk to, i know this may not be as what it used to be, but can't you at least help?

how can not helping someone make you upset? Please tell me, how can you not feel good about how

you helped someone at a time in which they need such encouragement, how can you not feel good about how 

that person will cherish you as a friend for being there for them? What ever happened to being a good friend,

being the best friend? Are we to selfish to not suffice each other's needs? Are we that greedy enough to

not help a brother or sister in need? Tell me, because i miss that emergency help, the 911 i can call

to come to my rescue. My Living Journal.

I'm true to my word. 

Jonathan, your fixie is mine.

Dad that 700 i will pay back soon.

Tamika, Jezreel,Jillian, Ko, & Dawn also.

"Nothing has meaning until an importance is put in it."

-K.N.O.

Your just to cute.

want to know the truth? it's all in the journal

today was fun, Ko & Daniel & I. SF, Selfedge,Villians, & AA

everyone seems to be getting the same thing these days.

HYPE, should stop that shit. Whatever happened to just being yourself?

Like as many have been saying, Where's the originality?

We judge to easily as humans. If we're always liked this

can you actually believe one day everything will be perfect?

like seriously think of everything, for there is bad, there is good

can good really actually sustain itself, by itself? For if the end does come

& evil is rid of, & everything is perfect, there is a chance that what happened with Lucifer, can happen again.

another great controversy.

absolutely beautiful, the type that makes you feel unsuitable.

she's uncommon, and ain't nothing of the unusual

if you knew her before the transition, you'd be amazed by the change, now you listen.

she started asking

if all of this in the world is to past, then show me something that's everlasting

thats when she met true love, not the word, but the action.

she used to be a queen of clubs, now a wild card, a child of God.

you can admire the flower, but remember she's a women of the higher power.

she went to much hurt to conceal it, it's not what she say its the way she reveals it

now the world want to seal it, the spirit in which her body is home to.

sorry world, she's out grown  you.

with a style a little odd for any normal man to marry

but she fits just fine with the revolutionaries.

New Years Day

I feel so lonesome. Just zombies & me. 

I feel so good though, to be able to vent like that in that journal

everyday is like saturday night, but i cant just wait for sunday morning.

check out my flickr

flickr.com/photos/flawlesseffect

gonna upload pictures early today later on.

and let's play some xbl yea?

left 4 dead or halo 3, your call

gamertag- apieceofpoooo