Priority

Cause being yours is top priority

Today was pretty fucking chill. Left for Downtown SF in the morning & got there around 12

I walked around bloomingdales & went to forever 21 and found a jacket that i liked but came back later 

to buy it, then i moved to urban outfitters. After that alone time, i went to Blondies to meet up with

Michelle, Jennifer, & Angelica, pretty pretty awesome. & i ran into Jireh too.We went to urban again, then to h&m, 

then to starbucks & then after we walked to huf to have Angelica buy a hat for her boyfriend. & i tried buying those satin vans

but no luck cause they didnt have my f-ing size. Funny how, that before starbucks that this guy complimented me

on my satin hat & was like you should get the vans to match, & i was like FASHO. After Huf we decided

to go to Haight & we just went around there to the normal spots. yano? True,AA, Stussy, all that stuff.

It;s funny how i wasted 25 & got a shitload of stuff by the end of the day. So by the time we left Haight &

got to the Muni & back to the mall, Angelica had to leave us, GAY. After that we just practically went around

SF & like took pictures. to bad i was caught up doing stuff that i didnt take a lot of pictures xP.

It was fun today, & to bad these are one of my boringest blogs ever. So i ended the day with my

first attempt with light trails, came out looking really busy. 

You can be as mad as a mad dog

and swear and curse to the fates

but when it comes to the end you have to let go.

-Benjamin Button

Moded Once

Jennifer&Michelle

Jennifer

Busy SF

Excuse the bad pictures. Blogspot sucks with the quality, or i messed up when i uploaded em. & i suck at night pictures

i need my 17-55  -.-"

Life keeps pushing it back into my Face.

Recap on the last 2 days. Saturday

Chill, experimented with my 135mm, clean pictures.

It was communion, It reminded me of that one time. Good times, good times.

So after i didn't go to downtown cause my date was canceled, which was gay!

Wanted to jump Rolo & do a photo shoot with Jose & Zalo. It's chill, it's chill.

So we just chilled at Jez's and like played video games the whole time until 

the pizza came, then Greg came to pick us up & off we went to watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

For a chick flick, it was pretty cool, i liked it, you'll dig it if your a chick, something to cry about & all that 

lovey dovey stuff put in. 

After the movie we (Will,Amanda,Greg,Brian,JonB,Chris,Jez,Dina,Joshua,Jeff,Germ&I)

ate at BJ's, shared some chicken wings w/Jez & then ordered an Oreo Pazookie! FRICKIN AWESOME

ORDER THAT SHIT EVERYTIME. if i had my camera at the time, i would take pictures & post them up here.

The Dinner was great! sadly i came home at 1.

December 28, 08

Happy Birthday Joash, your 17, but you act like your 13. Your the only guy that i know thats fond of his birthday

Guys like earning there recognition. A birthday is just a regular day, nothing special. Joash's party was pretty cool,

like school in somebody's house, ugh so gay but pretty cool. Last year was so much better though. Haha, frickin Rena.

So i guess i might be visiting San Diego during Spring Break, Ray is gonna see what's up. What a small world.

"I bet your gonna be punking him." 

Chillin with the best of friend's are always gonna be the best of times. 

So it's decided that i'm spending New Year's with Jeff or Joash. Just for old times sake yea?

no need to get mad girl

i'm sorry though, sounds like your having fun these days though

that's good.

just wanted to clear things up, but whatever

talk to me when your ready.

life is a collision course, even if it's by accident or by design. We find ourselves

all connected somehow & effecting one another.

Christmas my Ass

Tell me why Christmas was just a regular day, i practically just watched movies & slept through it

even if i was  at a party, thats all i did. Wasn't all that great. What sucked even more is how i stayed

the night at Fairfield being stuck there and not going home until 5 in the afternoon. WTF man.

The people were cool, the place just sucked cause im in the middle of fucking no where.

But anyways. Today wasn't as bad i thought it be, chilled with Gonzalo, his girl, & Chelsea (spell check please)

got starbucks, chilled at Coit Tower & tried taking pictures WITHOUT a tripod (major epic fail), going

downtown & me spilling out to Gonzalo on the way home.

It may have not felt like Christmas, but i know what it really is about, to me it was more of a clarification.

Give from the heart, don't just give. & be thankful to your greatest, to Him, & to everyone else. Don't 

complain about how many presents you received or how you didn't get what you want. & Don't be so selfish.

We use our essentials during this time of year. So think wisely on how you spend your money. Even if i say this

i just can't help but say Christmas is still missing something. & one more thing, the fucking dream i had was 

trippy, "Just smile, & we'll see what happens"

Angela & Taylor are the only ones that know where i stand. "Never ask for anything. In those situations

were your in such restlessness, instead for "All i'm asking for is ______" change it up. State what you want

in the situation & maybe how it should be done.. Don't ask because that means the answer "no" is an option.

When you want something, it's a statement not a question. Stating what you want then rather from asking for it. is completely different."

Fucking good advice. Sometimes in our lives we shouldn't complain about what happens but thank God because it happens.

There's an always a reason for everything. Life ain't no easy road, but seriously thank God. 

I swear i thought i had more to blog about. So the sleepover didn't go as planned but next week seems to

be it. Ugh and not tomorrow also. I think i am over my head. Monday it is, i really can't wait ;)

omg, that smell of warm vanilla sugar, smells so good, it just...

Fucking life just keeps pushing it back in my face.

It ain't time yet love, not yet time

Edit: Video sucked ass, removed it. But im deciding to start posting good information to you guys.

As in good chilling spots, good eating spots, & start posting pictures again. Only problem is. I'm so fucking

damn lazy.

Christmas Eve

"The greatest irony of love: loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right, and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life. And sometimes, you think you're already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing they will never be yours again. As for some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person. In my opinion, some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fail not because the absence of love. Love is always present. It's just that one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little. As we all know the heart is the center of the body, but it beats on the left. And maybe that's why the heart is not always right. Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love but to only discover that for them, we are just for passing time, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or stranger. So here's a piece of advice: let go when you're hurting too much. Give up when love isn't enough. And move on when things are not the same."

I applaud this person. Christmas was not as i portrayed it would be. I feel nothing. Not happy, nor sad. I praise, but then feel guilty.

I'll use this time to reminisce. I remember when i was in 4th grade, i stayed up till 12, my first time to ever stay up that late. 

I stayed up waiting by my chimney waiting for Santa to come. I just remember staring at my presents & that red blocked chimney.

Once 12 came i remember i was asking my mom why Santa didn't come yet. My parents were both up cooking for a party so

i just practically stayed up with them. Well anyways, my mom responded, "It's because your awake." i cant believe i fell for such bullshit

when i was little, so you know what i did? i slept and that Christmas ended up as one of the worst.

That Christmas when i was in the 4th grade, reminds me of this Christmas, i was so looking forward to it at one point, but it ended up as the biggest

lie in the world. I really just want to be happy, but i'm stuck, it's exactly 1 hour before Christmas & i don't know how to feel, &

i don't know what the true feeling of Christmas is. I'm a Charlie Brown, i know why it's celebrated, but

what just makes Christmas, Christmas. I really don't know.

"tonight i've fallen, & i can't get up, i need your loving hands to pick me up"

I'm excited for Friday & Saturday. I'm kicking it with Cutie again. Friday i guess i'm picking her up at downton SF

i guess just chill walk around & shop i guess. sleepover, & Saturday she'll come with me to church & i guess after, head to SF again

go shop, watch a movie (either Friday night or somewhere Saturday), & go ice skating. or something like that. All i know

that it's gonna be hella chill! Hopefully i can get a few people to tag-a-long so that it'll be a good group date.

They just asked. so fucking embarrassing...

Critically Ashamed

Merry Christmas to all & all a goodnight.

Still Around

THIS BLOG CONTAINS SOME MATERIAL THAT WILL SPOIL THE MOVIE Seven Pounds

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. THIS IS MY REVIEW, SKIP TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH IF

YOU DONT WANT TO HAVE THE WHOLE MOVIE RUINED

So Seven Pounds was actually a really good movie if you paid attention & got how they set up the flashbacks & the storyline.

So basically the whole movie is about a man who has a brother & was about to get married or engaged something like that. It seems that

he recieved a text message that made him drive into the other lane, and nearly getting hit he swerves where his dear loved one on the passenger

side is hit by a van with 6 others inside. Both cars flip around & in the accident everyone is killed except Will Smith. So in the story,

as he finds himself lonesome (the results when somebody loses a loved one) & paranoid about everything, he is fated with 7 random people in 

dire situations & helps them out throughout the whole movie. Later on he impersonates his brother Ben Thomas as an IRS tax collector

to help out the people that fate has lead him to. He calls Ezra, a blind meat-selling virgin vegan, & starts harassing him. After that he finds 

himself trying to help this lady Emily who has a dying heart, with i guess a rare blood type[not stated in the movie] & is waiting for a donor.

In the process he falls in love with Emily & asks the doctor what was the chance of having a donor for Emily, sadly she said it was 3-5%

I'm skipping a lot but whatever, to end the movie he calls the police saying that he commits suicide, which he does. He puts himself in ice cold water

and the jellyfish he keeps, he puts in the water & electrocutes him to death. His heart is the right blood type for Emily, so it is donated to her.

I havent mentioned it but the other people he helps is a Latina that had an abusive boyfriend & he gave her & her babies his beach house.

He also donated his liver to an old lady named Holly & gave one of a Lung tube to his dear brother. He also donated bone marrow

to this man that had i guess bad bone marrow. haha. & the blind man Ezra has new eyes at the end of the movie & is 

enjoying his passion playing piano. He either gets those eyes from Will Smith or Dan Morris the man that Will Smith said that would contact Ezra.

It's confusing how they set up the movie but it's a really good movie. Irony, small bits of Humor, & strong emotions are 

practically the themes of the movie. To be able to sacrifice yourself like that to save a life of a loved one. An everlasting sacrificial love.

So today was a really good day. Today is i guess those days where you find yourself just enjoying life. Good feeling music,

mellowed mindest, & positive feeling. So my kick it with her at Great Mall was really refreshing, really stress relieving.

Everytime I enter Starbucks, order something, & sit down with someone. I just feel like it's those sophisticated moments

to where you talk about such things that help each other's lives kinda thing. Just those talks with an added good feeling.

After the moment in Starbucks, we decided to watch Seven Pounds, a very touching movie, honestly i almost cried.

Next, we just walked around Great Mall, cruising around, then finding myself listening to a vent & helping out a dear friend.

Then i left. Those are the highlights. A refreshing, stress-relieving day. I need more of these. You really make my day.

a day & few more hours till Christmas, I can't believe i find myself again on this same day.

something about 09 is just telling me that life is about to turn around & be the best.

i havent shopped for Christmas present & neither recieved any. I feel guilty

but i'm planning something very special for everyone that made an impact in my life in 08.

Our simple flaws can help destroy us all.

Still Around-3OH13

Make My Day-Common

Kick it

Last night was hella homo because Aram, Daniel, & I all slept on the same bed & 

waking up here and there because the bed was so small we practically played footsies with each other

because of the way we were positioned. Later that day we went out to buy pizza and to bad it was

a fail, got some good pictures though. we watched "It's always sunny in philadelphia" & jackass 2.5

when we got back. Then i guess i was suppose to chill with Nina today but it ended as a fail to 

since of Javi & Lance. I got home around 9 & now im here.

I'm so stressed over nothing. I'm pantophobic right now, i'm just so frickin worried. 

& for some reason i can tell my photos are missing something, how i am right now is

affecting everything i do. i hate being this vulnerable. ugh.

So tomorrow I'm escorting Angelica christmas shopping & maybe somebody might tag a long since

she doesn't want to be alone when she's getting her nails done. ha

& we'll either watch a movie before or after the shopping, we'll see.

later on that night, i'll go home & kick it with Jose & Jeremiah & hopefully a shoot out

will become of the kick it.

edit: I really need to clear my mind. Right now, only music understands me.

"I see all these guys trying to holler, & i don't want to bother you 

but your independent & you got my attention. I want to get with you cause your

so damn beautiful"

 omg those lips, ugh. *sigh. jealousy is such a stupid sin. & love is such a stupid word

editpart2: so angelica called the kick it off since she's sick, i hope you get better ;)

& i have no one to chill with today, everyone is chillin with their girlfriends, ugh

i'm stuck home on break by myself cause of the lack of a girlfriend, fuck.

Late Night Conclusion

The party was pretty well hosted, good job Jonathan.

The food was good, good entertainment, fun loving people, met a lot of people also

pretty darn fun but..

i'm stressed, it's break, no more school, but still i'm stressed. I feel so..

it doesnt feel right. i'm just so fucking stressed.

& a question rose up

Someone asked me why i take photography as a passion.

I answered.

It understands me

& i understand it

unlike humans it does not sin, it does not give off any emotion or feeling.

& because of that i dont deal with any stress and troubles.

it's apathetic. & return, i'm apathetic, happily doing what i love doing.

but unlike photography i am human, i do sin, i do give off emotions & feelings

& because of that i do stress & do have troubles & give stress & troubles.

i'm complicated. & return i crave for returned feelings to make me happy & love what i love loving.

Party time

6 more days, Beginning of Winter Break

Damn i feel horrible, so fucking sick

stomach ache, migraine, & that throw up feeling, not a good combination

Finals are over, thank goodness. Didn't go to school today cause i felt bad this morning

About to get ready to go pick up my 135mm hopefully, if my parents dont flake on me, & gyc tonight

hopefully it'll be good. I feel better now though. Coping 4 days straight feeling like that sucked

plus mixed in with that stress and emotions, not healthy.

i need to fucking vent. so 6 days till Christmas, i dont know what to anticipate

well theres a party but i dont know, last year just gave Christmas so much meaning.

i need to vent to someone. to bad there's no one.

oh foolish heart.

i know it's past visitin hours, but can i just give her these flowers?

"i told her about the couple that i saw earlier, she said I'm sure they were cute, but there no you & I"

Live Forever (fly with me)-Gym Class Heroes

Improvement, 15 of 19

I feel quite accomplished, i looked pretty good for banquet this year, very formal & better dressed, & actually feel

like going to school dressing like that everyday but to bad that'll hurt my wallet badly. Banquet turned out really cool.

Conversating & laughing with friends, i was dateless but it didn't stop me from having fun, no flirting with any girl

but damn i had some good times with my friends, the food was good & the entertainment was so trippy! i'm still

tripping about. Anyways, by the time banquet ended, it was 9, i stayed for another hour & a half taking pictures & omg did they

come out good! Everyone loved them! I uploaded them all a few hours ago, i need to edit the best ones & post it up on my flickr so everyone can get em.

I talked about my 135mm with my dad & it seems i'll be getting it on Tuesday! OMG a new lens >.<>

if i get my 580exII & my 17-55mm me and Daniel can start some serious business. 

So Shane is at my house right now, it's around 1:03 AM school in a few hours but i'm not tired, i'm not sad, i'm not happy,

i'm not bored, i'm not entertained, life is back as it was before. More parties! More people to meet! & i'll finally get to meet

that anonymous chick that i've been talking to lately this saturday at Jonathan's party.

Finals are gonna kill me, & i still have to write an essay, damn it.

Winter Break is almost hear, & Christmas is coming up in 10 days, so crazy dude, i remember last Christmas, ha. Crazy yo..

Let me know if you want to kick it, you know i'll always be down & if your important to me you know i'll make time for you.

So far, Friday i guess i'm going to GYC because Daniel wants me to go. Then Saturday, the 20th is Jonathan's party.

Then Christmas Day, heading to fairfield for Jessica's Christmas party, then the next day, head to Las Vegas for another Christmas party.

Then the 28th is Joash's Party? Then i know i'm going over someone's house for New Year's Eve this year & is anyone gonna have a 

New Years Day party? 08 was fun until shit happened at the end of the year. 09 hopefully will be better. please be better.

I'm gonna say this to all of you who are getting me something for Christmas, get me something i can use a lot 

& cherish it as if i wouldn't want anything to happen to it.

Christmas List

[ ] A sign

[ ] Happiness

[ ] Love & Time

[ ] Encouragement & Reassurance

[ ] beaters

[ ] a comfy new hoodie

[ ] Giftcards for Starbucks

[ ] & anything that i can use a lot and cherish it as if i wouldn't want anything to happen to it.

Last Blog until Winter Break starts.

"That voice, so sexy, so soothing, it was music to my ears. That voice, where is it? it's gone, what am i to do?

I've been led astray. Voice, lead me back to the road where i am to be."

Live Forever (Fly With Me)-Gym Class Heroes

Apathetic

I'm bored, today & yesterday night was crazy.

got a bike, and stealthed all the way to javi's & tried converting that shit to a fixie, we ended with an epic fail.

Later on that night i burned, bad i know but i just tried it then i just stayed upstairs in Javi's house the whole night

taking care of Daniel, & the nigger goes off makes out with Chrissie & throws up on himself later on, pretty disgusting

Pretty much that's what happened last night. Woke up played Zombies with Ricky, tired some Hookah, pretty good, but 

i'm good. Then we left, Daniel, Jez, & I had a little adventure going home, not really but damn i took hella bathroom breaks, & i didnt even drink yo.

By the time i got home, we had to leave to go to my sister's performance but i ended up sleeping for 2 hours in the car waking up with 

a German women in our car who's one of the renters who's renting out one of rooms in our old house. 

Picked up Jez to get some banquet shii, we grabbed like $100 wotth of stuff & i'm spared with $50 left, but damn my fit is awesome. Not even joking.

Serramonte sucks, we ate, i went home with my sister & my dad. Went to my room, tried on my stuff, still wearing it & i'm bored.

I'm on auto-pilot right now, so i'm just trying to have a good time now, nothing else i can do right?

I have to survive one more week of school, 3 days of testing. FUCK. & banquet is tomorrow! whoooo.

I've had enough sleep today, i'm gonna go play some halo. Then Study for an hour then hopefully i'll get to talk to you tonight? yea. ha.

I need a bestfriend yo, i'm sick of not talking to anyone everynight, so lonely yo.

Live Forever (fly with me) - Gym Class Heroes

Like Father, Like Son (Papa's Song) - Gym Class Heroes

Listen to them,

You Know What

I'm tired

I'm beaten

I'm sorry

I'm stupid

I'm unreactive

I'm lost

& i fcuked up.

& i've been like this the whole week, no one to vent to, no one to talk to.

& i lost the true hat i was gonna give keith today on the train, & left my backpack, with all my studysheets & packets for

every single subject, in a school van. & i have test tomorrow, i'm breakingdown & it seems like everything else is falling down with me.

6 of 19 w/ a side dish of tagged

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, its because I want to know more about you. Or do I? I don't know? Are you interesting? Would I want to know you better?

1. I get really paranoid. When it comes to worrying about something, i stay open minded about it in a pessimistic way i think of all the bad things that can happen

that i frighten myself.

2. I'm down right determined. I have set goals in my mind that i dream to accomplish, depending on what i'm determined to do, i usually accomplish that goal

eventually.

3. I really have a thing for girls with berets. It's just a turn on

4. I always want reassurance. It's something i need to have before i do something, so i know that if i go through with it, i won't end up a failure. In a wide range of things it can come from liking a girl (knowing she likes me back) to a question on an assignment (as in a math problem, knowing im doing the right steps).

5. I want to get taller. Being short sucks, i havent had a growth spurt yet, so it's sign that i'll be tall! possibly...

6. I tend to be apologetic. I hate being stuck in drama, having people hate me, hold grudges, i just want to be cool with everyone, even if it's impossible but i try it anyway. 

7. I'm the jealous type. I want you all to myself kinda thing

8. I have a thing for being outgoing around people i'm closest too. When it comes to my friends i'm random yo. If you give me that hint of "I'm a good friend of yours" i'll open up. Give me that hint of trust.

9. I like to go and take a drive. If i had a car i'd be out right now exploring around where i live, or chilling with friends that can drive and we'll explore around the city or something like that & just have a fun time.

10. I keep my promises. When i promise something, i keep it, no matter how long the time period is. What i promise, you'll recieve later on, or i promised i wouldnt do or will always do, depending what it is. Give me a sign that the promise is useless anymore, most definitely i'll break it.

11. I hate tension. I hate being in a situation where everything get's awkward. The next time it happens, i try to break the tension and make it comforting for myself.

12. I'm starting to try and go to more youth organizations.  Celeste invited me to YFC and i'm gonna be heading there next friday, hopefully it'll be as good as she puts it. I'm excited yo, meeting new people!

13. I hate giving the wrong impression. When it comes to an impression, and it comes out the wrong way, i have to prove to the person it was a mistake and blah blah blah.

14. I love sushi.  I frickin want to eat at Sushi85, frickin deep fried california rolls for the win!

15. I hate being lonely. When it comes to things like banquet and i don't have a date, i don't participate. I always want somebody to chill with & somebody i can talk with.

16. I'm not perfect. Neither are you, Accept me as who i am. I'll change physically and i may gain some different habits later on, but i'm still the same me.

Yesterday was pretty chill, & so was the rest of the week. I'll put this all in a way where i can remember everything over a simple word

Monday-Ridiculous ( day after thanksgiving break)

Tuesday-Reunion (basketball)

Wednesday-Tiring (slept at 7 30)

Thursday-Heartbreaking (basketball)

Friday-Confusing/Accomplishing (talk with Greg & agreement with Damian)

So yesterday, i was talking with Greg, imma summarize this again

"Your still young, try and date as much girls as possible, and bang the ones that you think are special,

and if she is the one you guys will eventually be together again. Like i said your still young, you have a lot

more years ahead of you, try to branch out, your a social guy so it will be no problem."

I want you to myself but i want to let myself go.

"Everytime i try to leave, something keeps pulling me back

telling me that i need you in my life

that everything will be alright.

it was meant to be, you were meant for me

so it means we gotta to make it work"

Maybe you should, so it can get through your mind.

Nina is right, you are. i really want to oh so bad.

I don't want to be conceited but it's true.

The feelings were true, maybe yours weren't.

The train's here & loading

your call, & your choice before the departure.

"god determines who walks into your life. you decide who walks out and who you refuse to let go"

1 Heartbreak 

2 Eyes crying 

3 Words never said again 

4 Hands that won't be held 

5 Mornings I'll pass her in the halls 

6 Love notes, ripped & torn 

7 Days a week you'll think of her 

8 Sad songs a night before bed 

9 Wishes that never came true 

10 Years before she realizes you were the one

taken from Jose

Time to pull an all nighter & finish my projects so i can do shit tomorrow.

I abuse myself to much yo.

before i leave, i tag:

people who have a frickin blogspot that read mine but i don't read theirs.

1st of 19.

ohhh dang! 1st semester is almost over! & then 08 is almost over! fuck man im sick of what's been happening

lately, tragedy shii man. 09 is gonna be different & i'll make sure of it. Well since it was the first day of

school today after Thanksgiving Vacation, it was nice to be around all my friends again but it felt so

empty, I felt liked i belonged but didn't fit in. yanooo? Well Damian is a dick, he thinks he's funny when he's not

grow up now smart guy, i wish i can straight smash my fist right on your jaw. & Rebecca also! like wtf your hating on

me because i was taking a side of the new chick, Jenny? I am on her side, cause i don't just hate someone cause i 

get a "bad" vibe about them & not get to know them to solve out the tension, & your hating on me because it's true

think about it now. Damn it people. Start thinking. So after all the bullshit. I was hella tired from staying up till 4

in the morn doing nothing except fix my phone & downloading music & also cooking a cookie cake ha.

After school was pretty chill, basketball was fun, loved it yo. 

Now i'm hella tired, feening to play some Rockband, sucking at Halo now,

want to play some basketball, wanting to learn to play guitar & serenade someone, start on my projects,

get my lenses for my camera, etc etc.

Now i'm at home talking to people, & frickin Melinda ;). Made my day. ha

I can't help but feel this way.

edit.

one more thing! i'm surprised people read my blog. Thanks yo.

Cheers.

It's 12:30, and i have to wake up in 6 hours. Well imma talk about some things you wouldn't let me

talk about here. So i've been feeling pressured by friends to find somebody new to talk to. D.V. wants

me to frickin find a date so we can group date or something, but i don't know, like we said, when it comes to

another person, our minds somehow find it's way back on each other. & how at times we're just like Fuck you

and we either go to that person we have that attraction to, to get our minds of each other. I seriously can't

help but still get jealous about all of this, i don't tell you to stop but you keep talking knowing that i don't 

want to hear it but want to at the same time. Like your being fucked up but it's also my fault for being so curious. But i don't 

know, we're both different people, i like learning the truth,  & you assume it & don't want to hear it to protect

yourself from getting jealous. Seriously, what are your intentions for always talking about them? Do you

really like getting me jealous & pissing me off? It hurts, but you play it off so cool. Seriously, by talking

about me going to get mad at you in the nest 2 weeks, you did it. You caused it by your own doing. FUCK YOU. Why do you have to 

do that, i tried to be sympathetic and see if you really did, and if it was really worth my time. I can't just

help but think your trying to make this a game of jealousy. I don't want it to be like that, i really haven't been

trying to talk to anyone, i've been focusing on you because i can't break my promise. Why are you playing

games with my heart? But you contradict yourself, i'd be stupid to hook up with her, you'll be stupid to hook up with

him, it's not that same without you kinda thing. I really am being pulled two directions, i thought i'd learn the truth from you, your 

not even helping. I really doubt if it really was it. Show me it was & i'll stay to play this game your

setting up, but if it really wasn't, i was just wasting my time.

"God determines who walks into your life, but you determine who walks out and who you refuse to let go."

edit.

to bad i'm sooo attached to you that i'm willing to get hurt just for you..

no pain no gain. right?