Christmas Eve

"The greatest irony of love: loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right, and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life. And sometimes, you think you're already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing they will never be yours again. As for some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person. In my opinion, some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fail not because the absence of love. Love is always present. It's just that one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little. As we all know the heart is the center of the body, but it beats on the left. And maybe that's why the heart is not always right. Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love but to only discover that for them, we are just for passing time, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or stranger. So here's a piece of advice: let go when you're hurting too much. Give up when love isn't enough. And move on when things are not the same."

I applaud this person. Christmas was not as i portrayed it would be. I feel nothing. Not happy, nor sad. I praise, but then feel guilty.

I'll use this time to reminisce. I remember when i was in 4th grade, i stayed up till 12, my first time to ever stay up that late. 

I stayed up waiting by my chimney waiting for Santa to come. I just remember staring at my presents & that red blocked chimney.

Once 12 came i remember i was asking my mom why Santa didn't come yet. My parents were both up cooking for a party so

i just practically stayed up with them. Well anyways, my mom responded, "It's because your awake." i cant believe i fell for such bullshit

when i was little, so you know what i did? i slept and that Christmas ended up as one of the worst.

That Christmas when i was in the 4th grade, reminds me of this Christmas, i was so looking forward to it at one point, but it ended up as the biggest

lie in the world. I really just want to be happy, but i'm stuck, it's exactly 1 hour before Christmas & i don't know how to feel, &

i don't know what the true feeling of Christmas is. I'm a Charlie Brown, i know why it's celebrated, but

what just makes Christmas, Christmas. I really don't know.

"tonight i've fallen, & i can't get up, i need your loving hands to pick me up"

I'm excited for Friday & Saturday. I'm kicking it with Cutie again. Friday i guess i'm picking her up at downton SF

i guess just chill walk around & shop i guess. sleepover, & Saturday she'll come with me to church & i guess after, head to SF again

go shop, watch a movie (either Friday night or somewhere Saturday), & go ice skating. or something like that. All i know

that it's gonna be hella chill! Hopefully i can get a few people to tag-a-long so that it'll be a good group date.

They just asked. so fucking embarrassing...

Critically Ashamed

Merry Christmas to all & all a goodnight.