Eyes, tearing from dry relief.
Turn off the song. Concentrate your mind. Forget your feeling. Refresh.
Continue reading.
This is for you, dedicated to you, just for you, for you the person that i look up too.
You told me that i'm just like you.
Let me tell you a story..
It's a chilly night sometime in January. It's approximately 6:00. The sun just set about an hour ago.
Dark clouds decide to roll in, cars begin to grow in numbers, lights begin to start shining brightly then ever, a
regular day in downtown. It's cold, but the adrenaline keeps them warm, their jackets provides the extra warmth for
their minds to function. Backpacks on, He pulls out a cigarette to calm his nerves. High tensioned, with the intension. Pre-cautious
& determined to come back home with something extraordinary, something they think that can change the way how they lived their lives.
Oh how temptation can drive you down the path of destruction.
Walking downtown, they spot,decide,take action, then split up. It was all in the moment. Can we do it ? Yes! Yes! Can we get away with it?
Yes! They meetup at the checkpoint, their rendezvous. Their target, intimidating but yet weak. Broken down, torn apart, but yet holding on strong
as the concrete they walk on. It was all in the moment. They examine what to do, they walk around. No way of getting in, oh their so close to what they are bound to get. Life changing, enjoyment, happiness..Is it worth it? Yes! They decide to walk up front. They enter. "Dude! We found it!" Hearts filled with joy, is it over yet? No the greed takes them over, they become weak, they can't control it, they let loose. "Kick it!" A noise is heard, a light turns on, reaction in mind? Run. Run for you life, run from what you decided to do. A remembrance comes up to one of them. "My memories!" He runs back. To late, those dreams, that happiness, that enjoyment, that what you think that would change your life forever for good converts to the opposite. It has become the worst day of your life, the worst decision in your history, the worst life changing experience you have encountered. Is it over? No. Twisting and turning, oh it's not a dream, your struggling to get out. Confined by your own decision. You think it's over now? Not just yet. You enter a room, room filled with apathy. Same colored walls with those fluorescent lights. They're blinding, they make you flashback into your mistake, wishing for you to take it back. You keep your head down. You hear a question, "Is this your girlfriend?". You answer, "Yes.". "Does she know what you have done?" "I haven't gotten the chance to tell her."
Oh what if she is to hear of this? What would her reaction be? It shouldn't matter, your past, those memories, they've come back, together with you, but that's not the importance of the situation in hand. You sit there, praying, desperately waiting for something incredible to happen. Nothing like that will never happen. At least an hour passes by, sitting there patiently, a miracle happens. Blood returns to your face, you wipe that sweat of your troubled forehead. Your expression changes. Oh safety, an escape from your misery, as it appears, you grasp it. It was all in the moment. A hug just seems to rescue you to a place of solace. It's your escape. It was all in the moment.
He tells her the story i just shared with you. The one that he thinks that must of cared for him the most lately. He tells her not to judge him, neither to change
her view of him. She says she won't. He recites the story as if a line from a drama play of Shakespeare. She knows you to well. She understands that your recovering, recuperating from a past experience that's have been troubling you for such a long time. To give you such a good persuasion of what life's happiness would be, jealousy, envy, not being able to have what you want consumes your entire being. It was not worth it, you tell her it wasn't yourself. Getting caught of guard at such a time, you must be hurting. She must have told you the best advice you heard of your life, pray. Knowing you, you agree. It was all in the moment. But you never do it. Going back from your word.
A lot of attention from those who have heard. Questions start to rise that contradict your self being. He's not like that, he can't be like that. People considered you perfect, they looked up so highly of you. Now, like the people that watch the trails during the French Revolution, your Charles Darnay, your character's truth is only known by those close to you, but as the people during the French Revolution, they're easily stirred, they have no decision of themselves, easy to control & easy to judge. These people don't know the truth about you but judge you from the information they know of you. Your pissed off, this world has no decision of itself, it's full of such media filled monsters, greedy politicians, unworthy dictators, selfish government officials. Fuck the bullshit of individuality. Your the only individual differential from these individuals that call themselves different, the individuality that attracts so much attention. Your a danger, that's why rules were set up, to control you, but those rules were meant to control you. That was your mistake, but may i tell you? Learn from your mistakes.
A couple of months have passed. Your stronger than ever. People have forgotten, except yourself, most especially. It lingers, it tries to control you, you reject it, it's no good. Your memories do no help. They weaken you, they bring you rock bottom, but it's you, you are King of rock bottom. You know the turf so well then any other person i know. It's your strength, it's your advantage, no wonder your so much different from everyone, you've been somewhere nobody have been before. But there makes you weak. How much more stress & hardship is pressed upon you. It seems to affect you. School starts to become harder, your loved one decides to leave, your friends start to become more active with finding a significant other. Your left alone. It hits you, like thunder from the heavens affecting your every single daring move. Your moves are limited, your decisions have to be more thought-out. It's to dangerous to just lash out. Your mind is set though, you decide to let yourself go. It goes good for awhile, you seem to find what you want, what you've been craving. The attention you need is fulfilled.
You know better though, it's not worth it without no feeling. You quit, you retire from this game like a disabled player who gave up his jersey because he can no longer play. You know what you want, you know your place in life, but it's quite different what God has planned for you.
It keeps coming up, life seems to push shit back into your face, you ignore it because you've grown adapt to life's habits. You know it's every move, it's every intention, but you get so caught up you can't tell your own very motives. Everything calms down a bit, you start to talk to someone that you begin to have feelings for, she's cute, but she's no Eve, like the Garden of Eden, she doesn't know what her God from above has given her. She hasn't gone through the transition yet. She's not her, but she is. You & her have met true love, but haven't encountered the action. Everything seems fine for your standards. Remember when i said it was dangerous to just lash out? You did the dangerous. She leaves. She's outgrown you. With no words spoken, it simply ends. Some might have said you were lucky to encounter such an ending, not as bad as others. They just don't know how badly it has affected you.
Her wings, she's an angel. Such close friends, shes the best you have ever had. She's there to last, there to the end, she's your air conditioner when your hot-headed, your walking-journal when you need to vent. She knows rebirth, she went through to much pain to conceal it. You two relate so well. She's what you need right now, but you want more, so much more, you've lowered your standards though. It doesn't matter now. Life decides to settle down and believes you've gone through to much for the time being. Your beginning to hate this part of your life. Don't say that yet. Feelings start to grow, words start get stronger, but is it true? Another mistake seems to be coming up, your in over your head, you don't care because your starting to not care & just let loose. That's what it seems you need right now, sudden thoughts of you come up. Your oldest brother decides to talk to you, & give you a heart warming brotherly conversation. He knows you to well, of course, he's the developed version of you, he knows what you've been through and gives you the advice he himself had to find out. It comes up again, pray. You decide to try it this time, it's relieving. With a heart of faith, there is no need to fear. Your emotions start to disappear, you forget. The apathy starts to kick in. Where did the feelings go. To soon to speak. Something nostalgic sparks your mind. Unimaginable. Unbelievable seems to happen, chill, says your composition. You seem to have to tell this to someone, just like how a leper was healed from Jesus, you can't hold in your joy. You seem to talk to her about your experience. You both have an inspirational talk. You ask her "Coincidence?" She responds in her soothing voice, "Destiny."
This is dedicated to you my friend, the person that has been with me through the end, i look up to you, you've been through so much, but
that's what has made you who you are today. You have all of my due respects. So where did i begin this story?
I'm following the footsteps that are already made for me. You told me to gain one's definition.
because of you i found it. This is my thanks, my appreciation.
"Damn girl you fine, she fine, she fine, she fine, she fine, she fine, she fine.."
It's now 3, what am i still doing up? Thinking, thinking of you of course.
oh a few more hours till the break of dawn..
girl i just want to friday to come faster, oh please come fastser <4
Your the person i want to be.
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